Have a running book, product,
or DVD you would like reviewed? Mail to:
The Phoenix Runners
215 Av 53e
Lachine, QC
H8T 2Z3

Why I Run - Why I Run - A testimonial, Ian Cordner

Why I Run - A testimonial, Ian Cordner
Club: Phoenix, Montreal

There are myriad reasons why people like you and I take to our feet and make a race of it. I suppose some say that it is because of their competitive instinct, for others it is to lose weight, for others it is to stay and look healthy. These are all excellent reasons and I am not going to make light of their reasons because in the end, I know that they are making a good choice.

I began running almost by accident, in the mid-sixties when our P.E. staff at the now extinct Verdun H.S., had a brainstorm that all grade eights (that was the first year in high school in those days) would have to participate in at least one event in an indoor track meet. In those days, the only running I did was to warm up for paddling, with the Grand Trunk Boating Club (also long gone). We used to climb the fence at the Verdun Municipal Stadium (long gone) immediately adjacent to the Verdun Auditorium, and run a lap or two prior to going out on the water.

Long story short, I chose the 880 yard race, because I didn’t think I could outrun some of the faster guys in shorter races, and a mile and two mile sounded too far, but a half-mile seemed do-able. As it turned out, I took the lead right from the gun, leading all the way to a 2:30 win. This inspired me to join the track team and a career was born.

As time went on, I became a miler, winning the city championships, making the Quebec team on an overseas tour running the steeplechase and eventually doing cross country for the UNB varsity team. This culminated in winning the Maritime Junior Cross Country Championships in Fredericton, NB in 1969-70. Upon graduation, in 1973, I began teaching at Montreal West High School, coaching the track and cross country team for the two years I was there. It was during these two years that I ran my first two marathons, not because I liked the idea, but to run with my kids.

There was, during that time, a profound transformation taking place within me in small increments that was to change my life forever. It started out with a feeling of being different but I couldn’t put a finger on it precisely. In retrospect, it was probably in my last year there, that I came to question my sexual orientation. Of course, in those days, one did not talk about things like that for fear of very negative consequences, not the least of which was ostracism by peers and colleagues.

My life evolved rapidly to getting married and starting a family- all the while having uncertain feelings within myself - eventually leaving running behind as a competitor. I did coach for a number of years with a lot of success, but not running a step. My last race was in 1975 where I ran the Plattsburg Marathon in 2:59. I was not to run again for twenty one years. Basically, life got in the way.

It was during this interval of time that I came out, at least to myself and had my first relationship with another man. For me, my transformation was complete; everything was beginning to make sense to me for once. Naturally, the relationship with my wife floundered, culminating in a separation that was to last until now.

It was during this time frame that I was diagnosed as being HIV positive in the May, 1994. It was during this time that I separated from my wife and family. It was a situation that was untenable for all of us.

Back in those days, a diagnosis was a death sentence, as there were no medications that were effective in stopping the onslaught of the virus. AZT was the only drug available, and was usually prescribed in massive doses such that it usually killed the patient from toxicity. My doctor suggested I wait awhile before going down that road. He assured me that there were developments on the horizon. In fact, it was two years before I took anything for the virus and as even elementary school kids can tell you, the virus multiplies exponentially and mutates, making treatment difficult if not impossible.

It was during the beginning years of teaching at Lauren Hill Academy, that I began my first medical regimen. Unfortunately, there were many nasty side effects to the medication, including but not limited to incontinence, vomiting, disorientation and weight gain. I was forced to take most of that year off and go on disability. During that time frame, my medication was changed, and I was lucky enough to stumble onto a combination that worked for me up until this year. It was an incredible run: Very unusual. I lost many, many friends to this nasty virus in the meantime.

It was during that time off, that my weight went up from 150 pounds to 178 pounds. I remember thinking one day, that I had to do something, anything about it and decided to go for a run up Queen Mary road. I felt like Humpty Dumpty about to have a great fall. Shortly thereafter, I was back at teaching, once my new medication was being tolerated, and I would work out each morning running laps around the gymnasium in an effort to shed some weight. I soon found this boring, going around and around and graduated to the hallways, where I had a half mile course marked out for the cross country team. I also began to run with them during the warm-up.

As time went on, the weight gradually I got down to about 160-65 pounds, and I entered a school board race, the Halo run designed for teachers and/ or students that could run 10K. We were, save for a few, all in pathetic shape, but I finished and while I cannot remember the feeling I experienced, I am sure it was one of exhilaration and relief. This established a benchmark of a sort to me, as I actually looked forward each year to running with the kids in the Halo. After two or so years, as my time approached 40 minutes, I expanded my running and training and entered other races in the West Island Circuit. I remember running Anjou in 37:13 and a Montreal Marathon in 3:09.

Always believing that I needed to set an example to my students, they came to see me in somewhat of a different light. I was no longer the faggot but the gay teacher/ runner. I was earning their respect somewhat, at last. They now think I’m nuts for running to and from school each day, but many in the school are now more aware and actively involved in fitness and sport to a greater degree than ever before. I have the staff and administration to thank for that as it is now rather common to hear school-wide announcements about Mr. Cordner being away for a few days to run the Boston and/or New York Marathons. (I don’t know where they get the information, because I certainly don’t mention it to anyone.) This generates a tremendous interest in running among the kids and that’s what it’s all about. They are all lined up to see the results sheets that they insist I post on the bulletin board outside the gym.

Closer to the present, my weight is now 145 pounds, I am running well for my age and am able to compete for medals in my own age class. While the medals are nice, I look forward improvement in my running. I don’t accept the premise that age slows one down. More importantly, I truly believe that running is keeping me alive, that if I were to stop, a downward spiral would ensue. I have no proof of this, it is only my belief. If that isn’t a good motivator, then I don’t know what is.

What does the future hold? Who knows? I enjoy running. I am a runner! I take pride in that. You never know what lurks around the next corner, but I will continue to fight the good fight, trying to educate people along the way on the issues of civil rights, individual and group freedoms, fitness and health.

In the mean time, if after reading this letter, if even one person is inspired to get out there and run, especially those with serious health issues, then my role as an educator will have been successful.

I don’t know why I am the way I am. If I could encourage anyone to run for a charity, could I suggest HIV / AIDS ? Those reading this article (I thank you for your patience) are encouraged to feel free to approach me with any questions you may have, I will try and answer them in a forthright manner as possible.

For those who find themselves disgusted with the whole issue (yes, there are always those people out there too, for whatever reason), all I can say is, I am human, with feelings just like you. I will never try to force my opinions or ideas onto anyone else. I would love to be everybody’s friend, but I know that can’t / won’t happen. People feel the way they feel for reasons that are sometimes unknown to us. I once had a boyfriend who tried to teach of tolerance within the community. I remember telling him that that wasn’t enough. I expect acceptance. If it’s not there, you cannot be a friend. Keep on truckin’ folks. Thanks for the time in this forum. That’s why I run.

Ian Cordner A.K.A. Mercury